Lie #31:
They said that my pants leave little to the imagination. I said that they don't have much imagination. I mean, where do they think that I put other 2 sets of legs?

Lie #30:

Agenda for the Jedi Council meeting:
1) Aggressive behavior by Trade Federation in outlying systems - Master Yoda
2) Increase in low level force users - Master Guloo
3) Replacement of main sewer line for Youngling Academy - Master Larry
4) Rumors of new Sith apprentice - Master Wandu
6) Update on conversion to new communicators - Master Larry
7) New candidates for Jedi master - Master Kenobi
8) Process streamlining for catering orders - Master Larry
9) Petition to allow droids to become Jedi - Master Larry
10) New marketing spots w/positive Jedi images - Master Larry
11) Master Larry's request to be transferred off of Jedi Council - Master Larry

Lie #29:
Last night, I dreamed that I was in a hair salon trying out new gel to give my hair the real 80's volume and bounce.
When I woke up, I was still bald.
Today sucks.

Lie #28:
Is he a villain, a hero, or a vigilante? Opinions vary, but everyone knows the legend.

When workplace harassment, absenteeism, or incompetence appear, the signal is lit; and Hatchet Man stalks the conference rooms.

In his wake he leaves empty desks and job openings. People fear his appearance, but they applaud him when his work is done.

What Hatchet Man feels, he has never said, but he must surely know that one day a new Hatchet Man will come for him.

Lie #27:
Parents want their children to have all of the advantages that they lacked, but the children can be embarrassed by their privilege. I guess that is why my kids never show off their tentacles.

Lie #26:
A lot of modern horror is built on the theme of man's inhumanity to man. I don't find that nearly as terrifying as Cthulu's inhumanity to man.

Lie #25:
When putting together your emergency preparedness kit, remember to include at least 5 killbots to enable you to begin conquering your neighbors and forming a post-apocalyptic feudal kingdom.